I see you. I see the way your eyes drift into the distance for a moment or two and I think I know where you went.
I see the way your mind is pulled in this direction and that as you try to concentrate on our conversation, yearning as you are for a woman to woman connection, but you keep getting distracted; a little tug on the sleeve, a drink that needs to be poured in just the right yellow cup, a tear to wipe, a bump to mend and the arms that reach up and up for a carry as he needs to be so close to you right now.
I see how hard you try to do everything and wonder if you’re really managing any of it.
I know how you feel lost at sea as you attempt to navigate this wild, beautiful and longed for role and as you work to integrate this new and consuming part of your being. And you ask yourself if surely you should have got it together by now.
I feel the way you miss your old self, your deep mind and your sharp thoughts. How you miss reading and learning and having important conversations with the world.
I see how much you give and give and give and I see the cost at which it comes. That for now, at least, you have left a part of yourself behind that you are longing to return to and just hoping that it holds on, that it waits.
I know that you grieve, that you ache and that sometimes you linger in the darkness just a little bit to long and you fear that you might not find your way back again.
I know that you are tired. So deeply weary, so heart and soul tired and you wander how and when you will emerge from this fog.
But you absolutely will.
Slowly and surely you will emerge. You may find that you have changed, you have altered and evolved. You will have a shed a layer of yourself in the process and you will have gathered a whole load of new and beautiful gifts along the way.
You will emerge deeper and more complex with many more rich layers and multitudes. There may be parts of your story that never completely heal but they will blend in and they will take their place, fractured and magical. Yes, there will always be shadow; as sure as there is day and night, but you will emerge and you will do it again and again and again.
Out of the darkness and the trenches you will grow, you will blossom and bloom and flourish.
So, from my Mumma heart to yours, hang in there. You’re doing just fine.
And if you know someone who who would love to read this, please share. As always, thanks so much for being here, I truly appreciate it.
I’m nurturing a little seed of an idea…
A deeper conversation, a richer connection, me and you.
Letters, just like this, from my mumma heart to yours. Letters of understanding and ideas, simple noticed joys and pleasures, quiet reflections and the every day musings of motherhood. Words and pictures, wrapped in love, tied up with string and delivered to your inbox every few weeks.
And I would love to share them with you.
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